Pain that doesn't go away.

Its been 7 years since that fatal day...

The day the call came in to do an emergency trip up to you

The day was humid and grey matching my mood as I left class

I went the whole 14 hours cranky and mad at you and him for pulling me away from my very first homecoming.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

I regret not smiling more around you, being with you more, and showing my love for you,

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

You were laying there in the hospital bed with wires protruding from your skin helping you stay alive.

When I saw you like that it tore me up inside knowing that for the previous 14 hours all I wanted to do was stay behind and be happy with my friends.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

Your eye lids covered your beautiful blue/grey eyes that I loved so much. That sparkled every time we were with you. Your skin lost the luster of many years of laughter and happiness. All that was left was the dull of the sadness and the pain that you didn’t like to show.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

There was so much I wanted you see in my future. I wanted to crochet more with you as we played Nancy Drew on the computer. I wanted to show you my boyfriend that would turn into my husband. I wanted to see you smile as you looked at the beautiful son I had, who has your eyes.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

The gray in your hair lost its shine and the white lost it’s glow. Your skin wasnt warm like the fresh baked cookies we use to make. It was more like the popsicles we would eat while watching TV on the hot summer days.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

You were my best friend. The one I loved the most and who knew more about myself than anyone else. You were the one I would call to talk about my day, and ask for help with my homework. I messaged you to get recipes for when I wanted to cook. I loved getting your emails with the new pictures you would edit.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last.

But most of all I loved your smile. The smile that made anyone feel reassured that everything will be alright. That smile made the cloudy gloomy days turn into a bright and sunny day. Your smile was a sun I could look at and know it will never hurt my eyes. I want to see that smile again, and feel the warmth of it flow over my body and wrap me up like a nice homemade blanket, like the baby blanket that shields me from my fears and calms me down.

No one told me that when I saw you it would be my last, and I wish they did so that I could have been praying to keep you alive instead of being mad that I was being taken away from the joy of freshman year.

I love you Grandma.


My grandmother passed away 7 years ago and even though its been so long the pain is still there and it hurts when I think of her. The pain never goes away just becomes slightly bearable as time passes. She was beautiful, wonderful, and an inspiration to all of us who knew her.